Self-Described Idiot Demands Recognition From Lou Dobbs
by nonamedufus and Uni Blogger
WARROAD, MINNESOTA (S&A) Twenty-four year-old Baldur Thorsteinson of Warroad Minnesota says he feels like the loneliest person in America because Lou Dobbs won’t call him an idiot.
Over the past number of years, Dobbs, a failed businessman who uses a daily time slot on CNN, The Most Trusted Name In News (Trademark Registered), has succeeded in calling every living American an idiot at least once. Every American that is, except Thorsteinson.
Promoting xenophobia? “Hey, I loved Olivia Newton-John in that movie!”
When pressed by a reporter about anything at all in his background that would cause him to be omitted from Dobb’s very long (and until now apparently ) inexhaustible list, Thorsteinson says that there have been suggestions that the refusal to designate him an idiot stems from Dobb’s belief that with a name like Baldur Thorsteinson, he is an illegal alien from Iceland or worse still, a border-jumping Canadian.
“I admit that I can sound like a Canadian, but that’s because Warroad is close to Brainerd Minnesota, where the accents are a lot like Sarah Palin’s but that alone should give me an ‘idiot’ rating because I’m pretty sure that Lou has the hots for Sarah given the way he’s been defending her on his show, said Thorsteinson. “I don’t believe the fact that the biggest Icelandic community outside of Iceland itself is just seventy miles north of here in Gimli Manitoba has anything to do with what he’s doing to me. I’m completely stumped.”
When reached for comment, Dobb’s immediate reaction was simply that Thorsteinson’s pretensions to idiocy were mind-boggling and incomprehensible to any middle-class American. “Look, the guy’s a Canadian or maybe even an Icelander and therefore has no constitutional right to demand anything of me! I say go back to your seal-infested ice-floe Baldur boy and leave our god-fearing right-wing American idots well enough alone.”