Economy In The Crapper?

Editors Note:

In the lead up to a network rebrand to CBCNN (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation News Network) CBC Newsworld’s News Morning dumped it’s lowly paid business reporter and replaced her with business “commentator” Kevin O’Leary.  O’Leary does his interviews from wherever his travels take him.  One day he’ s in the studio.  The next in a limo to the airport via broadband.  The following day he’s in a hotel room via Skype – fully dressed, thank goodness.  Recently, host Heather Hiscox interrupted his early morning squash game at some far-flung gym to do their interview.

Kevin O’Leary appears on the CBC’s Dragon’s Den and ABC’ s Shark Tank. He  is CEO of O’Leary Funds and a multimillionaire.


by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus

Heather: We now go to Kevin O’Leary for this hour’s update on today’s market trends.  Kevin, how are you and where are you today?

(sound of toilet flushing)

Kevin:  Well, Heather, I must say you’ve caught me at an awkward moment.  I guess you could say there’s movement on the markets this morning.  That’s what coffee does to me sometimes.  That and the Mexican food I had for dinner last night.

Heather: I hope that’s not your comment on where the markets are headed this morning?


O’Leary: Pungent financial analysis

Kevin: Oh, no, Heather, ha, ha, they certainly aren’t down the toilet by any means.  Indeed, I’d have to say traders are flush with excitement today at the prospect of the Canadian dollar losing parity to it’s American counterpart.

Heather: And why would they be excited, Kevin?

Kevin: Well, it’s really a trickle down effect we have here, Heather.  A lower domestic currency makes our exports more attractive.

Heather: I see, so that’s a good thing, then.

Kevin:  Well, Canadian consumers well be pissed off.  But I’m sure they’d rather be pissed off than pissed on.

Heather: And exporters?

Kevin:  Oh they’ll be happier than pigs in shit, Heather – happy their goods aren’t going down the crapper on the world market like they did when our currency was close to par with the American dollar.

Heather:  Has the government backed consumers into a cubicle, as it were?

Kevin:  Well, consumers may think the economy’s in a stall, Heather, but in reality they’ll be able to relieve themselves from the pressures of the market place.

Heather:  Did the government see this coming, Kevin?

Kevin: Actually, you could say the government was caught with it’s pants down this morning…

Heather: Along with a certain financial analyst.

Kevin:  …and market conditions may remain unstable and flatulent for a while yet.  In the end, though, I think many investors could wipe up.

Heather:  I see.  Well thanks for clearing the air Kevin.  So I guess you could say that while the dollar’s a little exhausted, it isn’t pooped.

Kevin:  That’s right Heather.  My overriding message to Canadians would be that while things could be a little messy in the short-term, over the long haul,   “Urine fine shape”.

Heather:  Thank you Kevin.  Business commentator Kevin O’Leary with a significant report from the men’s room at the Starbuck’s at Yonge and Bloor in Toronto this morning.

y1pSUw29AlRf5x0hKRW32l2wKNHqyqJArFQK-bHTS5nLXr3M_VKUCueWkIrIiuF1era8W1Y-dvd3H4Finance Minister thinks O’Leary’s financial analysis stinks


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