Royals To Repatriate Canadian Castles

Hamilton’s Dundurn Castle First To Go

by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus

In the midst of a cross-country tour supposedly aimed at rallying the troops, as it were, and endearing the Royal Family to Canadians, Prince Charles shocked monarchists and anti-monarchists alike this morning.  Canadians have come to expect shocking comments from the man who once said he wished he was his mistress’s tampon but today’s actions took HRH’s (His Royal Half-wit’s) looniness – and we’re not talking national symbol – to a whole new level.

0711_prince_charles_wenn“I really like your medals.”

Accompanied by his wife, Camilla Parker Bowels, the sedate and composed Duchess of Cornwall, the aging and ever-eager heir to the throne announced in the midst of a visit to Hamilton, Ontario’s Dundurn Castle that the monarchy was embarking on a massive repatriation scheme.

“It has become increasingly clear to mother and I that the vast majority of colonials have become disaffected with us,” said Prince floppy ears.  Things came to a head a week or so ago when the Governor General declared herself Canada’s head of state.  Well, I don’t mind telling you my ears were burning.  Everybody knows I… erm, mother is the head of state.  We have no choice but to take our castles and go home.  Besides,” concluded the Prince, “we’re running out of places to play polo.”

The Prince then indicated that, in lieu of the millions of dollars in lost revenue normally paid by the Government of Canada to support the monarchy, the Royal Family would undertake a massive castle repatriation operation to replace this lost revenue.

The so-called castle-keep initiative will begin immediately with the transfer of Dundurn Castle and will include Casa Loma in Toronto, Hatley Castle in British Columbia, the hotel Chateau Frontenac in Quebec and the White Castle on the corner of Somerset and Bank streets in Ottawa.

“And perhaps 24 Sussex,” the Duchess of Corral, er Cornwall neighed in.  “The Prime Minister told us only yesterday ‘Our home is your home'”.

0428_camillaThe Duchess of Cornwall – picture of equine-imity.

The Prince made his abrupt announcement after a heated discussion with his wife over a long, heavy lunch.  Observers speculate he may have been suffering a nasty bowels problem.

2468796_Dundurn_Castle“One Dundurn deserves another.”

The gang at Theme Thursday will have many more interpretations of “castle” for your viewing pleasure Thursday, save for the keeners like me who couldn’t wait.



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34 responses to “Royals To Repatriate Canadian Castles

  1. a nasty bowels problem…lol. nice take on the theme…ans love the new layout. very clean.

  2. HAH! Love it!

    I always think of horse teeth when someone mentions Camilla… thanks to Graham Norton.

  3. Well, this must be joke but you know ,I really do think Charles and Camilla are ghastly anyway, if not a little loony, Well the Prince of Wales anyway!

    • …Mmm…: They are in Canada and they were visiting Dundurn Castle yesterday and there was a bit of a flap over the term “head of state” a couple of weeks ago. The rest was slightly embellished. But you’re right about the loony part!

  4. This is hilarious! And Prince Floppy Ears has some big ears to burn. Funny on so many levels. I truly enjoyed this post. Equine-imity…yes, indeedy.

  5. Now, this is worthy of Stephen Colbert!

  6. I do believe those Royals have too much time on their hands. -Jayne

  7. Your post made me smile. Its sounds like the Canadians have much fonder thoughts of the monarchy than us Brits ‘prince floppy ears’ 🙂
    I used to have a poster of him in full foxhunting dress sitting on a horse with a huge speach ule coming from the horse saying “help! Get that huge parasite off my back!”.

    In my circles, thats how we regard the monarchy.

  8. “his mistress’ tampon” – lmao

    • True. I swear he said that about Camilla when he was sneaking around with her while still married to Diana. Sometimes we don’t have to make this stuff up. He’s one odd duck.

  9. Loved the naming or nick-naming *lol* Great post, and nice new clothes for your blog!

    • Dot-Com: Speaking of nicknames, they used to call Charles and his former wife Princess Diana, Chuck and Di. Now people look at he and Camilla and want to to chuck and die! (Sorry, I’m bad.)

  10. e

    This had me in tears, laughing so hard! Thanks!

    PS: I too love the new look here.

    • e: Really? Glad you enjoyed it. There’s actually 2 blogs. nonamedufus is still alive and well along with it’s associate Slings and Arrows where dufus partners with Uni Blogger.

  11. I take it you are not a royalist? Well call me whacky but I would take Charles over Stephen our fearless leader anyday that is for sure! I am seriously thinking of moving abroad if he wins another election!

  12. “It has become increasingly clear to mother and I that the vast majority of colonials have become disaffected with us,” Damn right. The only reason we’re not a republic is we can’t agree on a model. We don’t have any castles to repatriate but he’s welcome to the Governor General’s house! I wonder why it is the British Monarchy can’t retain the poise and grace of the Danes or the Dutch . . .the’re just buffoons with foot in mouth disease.

  13. nice take on the theme

  14. Oh my goodness, what will he come up with next. I thought I remembered hearing that the prince and camilla were getting a divorce. Oh well, one can only hope.

  15. You have done it once more. Incredible article!

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