Up In Smoke

The Times They Aren’t A-Changin’

by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus

KELOWNA (S&A) In the Canadian city that promotes itself as “ripe with surprises”  comes a development sure to live up to the the city’s self-aggrandizing moniker.  Splif-sucking snowboarder Ross Rebagliati who only recently won the Liberal nomination in the local federal riding and subsequently a chance to carry the Olympic torch through the community, has decided to give up on both initiatives.

“Look,” said Rebagliati, “I’m a quiet, low-key, soft spoken individual who doesn’t like to draw attention to myself.”  *inhales deeply, coughs* “It’s not my style to stir up controversy, man, ya dig?”

In February 1998, Rebagliati made Olympic history when he won the first ever gold medal for stoner snowboarding.  His life subsequently has been a series of highs and lows…mostly highs.

Rebagliati says he dropped out of the Olympic torch marathon because organizers deceived him.  “I thought it was a huge doobie, man.  I thought it was a giant joint.  I thought I’d be marching in a marathon to liberalize marijuana laws.  But, no, they wanted me to carry this friggin’ flame.  What’s up with that?”

2010-olympic-torch

Don’t bogart that torch, my friend.

Organizers downplayed the snowboarder’s decision indicating that between the 127 government ridings the torch was scheduled to pass through and the number of CTV personalities carrying the flame no one would even notice he was missing.

Ivan Fecan, President and CEO of CTVglobemedia says 27 network personalities are bound to divert attention from the incident.  “We’re in good shape with people like Brian Williams, Sandi Rinaldo, Lisa LaFlamme and Dave Hodge.”  But Fecan mispoke himself. Williams was forced to remind Fecan that sportscaster Dave Hodge wasn’t selected to participate.

DaveHodgeDave’s not here, man…

Fecan added, “Thank the lord Mike Duffy’s in the Senate and not still on the air.  If the former CTV media heavyweight were carrying the torch we’d still be here come the next winter games, in 2014, waiting for it to arrive.”

As for Rebagliati’s political aspirations, observers had speculated his chances of winning as a Liberal running up against straight-laced,Conservative Party stalwart Stockwell Day were Iffy, at best.

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