SHOCK AND UGH IN THE DESERT!
by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus
RENO, NEVADA (S&A) Just days ago, the chattering classes, were bemused to hear Lou Dobbs, failed businessman and CNN television personality of sorts announce he was leaving the network immediately. In his farewell remarks, Dobbs spoke cryptically of the encouragement he received from various unnamed “ … leaders in media, politics and business (who) have been urging me to go beyond the role here at CNN. …” . In a worldwide exclusive, S&A can now reveal that one of those “leaders” is Sarah Palin, herself a failed politician and vice-presidential candidate.
It’s Sarah for me. Others Palin comparison.
Sources close to both Palin and Dobbs, all speaking on condition of anonymity out of fear of reprisals, have allowed S&A to piece together the story of this dangerous liaison as it seeped out of Wassila, Alaska trickled to Washington D.C, and is now puddling in Reno Nevada.
Shortly, before her own surprise resignation announcement as Governor of Alaska, last summer, Palin awoke from a deep sleep in the broad daylight of an Alaskan summer night. At that moment, she concluded that the only way she could become president was by quitting her governor’s job, writing a book, divorcing Todd, who, as she put it with a wink and smile, “Sure he’s a champion dogsledder and all and that’s all good in Alaska, but he’s no Dale Earnhardt. You know what I mean?” and by finding a suitable consort in the southern 48, “She said what she needed was a Romeo and Cleopatra kinda thing” said a Wassila intimate.
Lou’s hard…on Mexicans.
Though it was three in the morning in Connecticut, Dobbs was awake and his mind, remarkably, was thinking similar thoughts: “I just gotta get out of CNN, they don’t understand me there and besides, the ratings are beginning to tank. And if I’m gonna keep on calling myself, “Mr. Independent” and calling the Mexican president and his countrymen idiots, I’m gonna have to dump my wife Debi Lee because if I don’t, people will think I’m soft on Mexicans and I’ll never get to be President.” Just then, the phone rang it was Palin. The foxy governor and buxom television personality were about to start the ride of their lifetimes.
Negotiations were quick, uncomplicated and privy only to a few intimate sycophants on each side. This past Friday, each obtained a quickie Nevada divorce and the happy couple was immediately married at the Chapel of Elvis, The Too Soon Taken From Us.
S&A was unable to uncover even one major detail of this union in the quest for the presidency: Who will be on top?