AIRLINE MAY FLY YOU TO THE MOON, BUT IT WILL COST!
by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus
MONTREAL (S&A) – Recent attempts by Air Canada at “service improvements” such as the short-lived ban on unaccompanied minors flying alone, and the continuing curiosity of the dried-out eight-dollar sandwich as an in-flight “meal” have left many Air Canada customers, alienated and disgusted.
But Air Canada’s hard-working Customer Satisfaction Branch believes that as of last week when it announced the first two of several service improvements, Canada’s “national airline” is well on the way to “turning all those customer frowns into customer smiles” as Mitzi Flyme, the branch director put it.
A new approach to airline service – plane and simple
Effective immediately, passengers will be able to choose seats with slightly more leg-room by paying a surcharge of $35 on a one-way ticket. According to Flyme, any passenger over four foot-two (metric measurement available for a fee by contacting S&A) will find this service a restful and soothing enhancement of their Air Canada flying experience.
A similar charge will be in place for mothers flying with newborn babies. One new mother who didn’t wish to be identified reacted with a curt: “WTF”!?
Industry insiders who claim to be familiar with Air Canada’s long term customer satisfaction plan have told S&A that at least two other “customer satisfaction initiatives are in the pipeline:
- For twenty dollars, the airline will guarantee that if a cabin attendant does not answer a passenger service buzzer within seventeen minutes, the passenger will be given the choice of a free dry sandwich or any left-over Pringle’s Chips.
- In an air industry first, at fifty dollars per passenger, Air Canada will offer flights where the pilots have been breathalyzer-certified sober.
Flyme refused to confirm or deny that such plans are in the works.
When approached for a comment from Transport Minister John Baird’s office, a spokesperson told S&A that the minister would be available to answer any question at fifty dollars per. S&A staff are currently passing the hat to raise money for the first question.
Baird not keen on airline food.