Monthly Archives: December 2009

A New Year, More Of The Same?

Something Different, An Opinion Piece

by nonamedufus


Canadians don’t like their political leaders.  Let me rephrase that.  Canadians don’t much like any federal politician.  A poll released last week by Canwest News and Global News conducted by Ipsos Reid indicates federal Canadian politicians have a serious image problem.

The upshot of the poll indicates, to quote the Canwest news article, “Canadians think politicians don’t get along well, that they’ve accomplished little in the past year, and few would want their kids to grow up to be one”.

As an individual who reported on Parliamentarians then worked closely with Ministers in government and who now satirizes about them I understand the evolution in public opinion.  And it’s spot on.

It makes my current, although unpaid, job so easy.  These guys are pretty much responsible for their own image problem.  If anything, people like me just communicate it as is, with a little humorous frill here and there to underline how silly they really are.  And they are.

The problem as I see it is they’re too wrapped up in their own egos, arguing and fighting each other trying to make themselves look good, look the best that they’ve really lost sight of how they appear to Canadians.  You’d think they would have gotten the hint when the fewest number of Canadians ever turned out in the last election to vote for them.

Instead they appear as whiney, snot-nosed, he said she said, kids in the school yard as opposed to the people we thought we elected, those of us who voted, to represent us and our interests.

I tell you, in the coming year the future of Slings And Arrows looks bright.  The future of our politicians and how Canadians regard democracy, I’m not so sure.

Happy New Year and we’ll see you in 2010.

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Liberal Leader Embarks on Cross-Country Campus Tour

Ignatieff Launches Stand-Up Comedy Career

by nonamedufus

OTTAWA (Slings and Arrows) – Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff, in a year-end interview with Slings and Arrows, admitted today his failure as a politician and his desire to undertake a significantly different direction in his career path.

Following in the footsteps of Ron James, Shawn Majumder and Bob Rae, the Liberal Leader is embarking on a cross-country tour of university campuses where he will test his new comedy routine.

“I need to start somewhere,” said the failed politician.  “If I can make an in on college campuses maybe I can get a shot at a TV show on the CBC.”

“I’m really looking forward to getting back on the university circuit,” said the Liberal leader.  “This politics gig is a real dead end.  But I was able to make people laugh as Opposition leader, without really trying – even within my own caucus – so maybe comedy is the route to go.  And I do know my way around academia, you know.”

I’m here all week…

Ignatieff will appear on a bill with a resurrected Royal Canadian Air Farce.  He should fit right in.  Not unlike his political approach, their jokes are older than dinosaur dung.

Asked for an example of his post-political humour, Ignatieff said, “Knock, knock.”  Who’s there?  “Iffy”  Iffy who?  “Iffy hollers let him go…ha, ha, ha.”

Mr. Ignatieff will be fine-tuning his routine prior to his first venue at Dalhousie University on January 11th.

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The Miracle Of Christmas

A PICTURE’S WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

by nonamedufus

News agency web sites who ran this photo were inundated with so many homophobic comments the comments were removed and the ability to leave more was shut down.  Hey, people, this is 2009!

Out…and about with MP Scott Brison and partner Maxime St. Pierre

Have a Merry Christmas everyone and a happy and healthy holiday.

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Filed under christmas, homophobia

A Republican Christmas

AND THE GLORY OF PALIN SHONE AROUND THEM

by nonamedufus

To some this time of year is not about presents and yuletide cheer.  It has nothing to do with Santa Claus.  Forget the Christmas cheer and fruitcake.  No, to some it is about their saviour.  With this in mind I’ve done some considerable research, and am able to relay to you the tale of your saviour’s re-birth.  You’re welcome.  My apologies to Luke and if I’ve offended anyone on the religious right well, then, my work here is done.

“So O’Reilly also went up from the town of Washington in DC to Pennsylvania, to Pittsburgh the town of Roethlisberger, because he belonged to the house and line of Roethlisberger.

He went there to see Sarah, who was pledged to be interviewed by him and he was expecting an autograph.

While they were there, the time came for the book to be launched, and she gave birth to her first-written, a yawner.  She wrapped thousands in a dust jacket and placed them in the bookstore, because there was no room for them at the Ramada Inn.

And there were gotchya media living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their cameras at night.

A flack of Palin’s appeared to them, and the glory of Palin shone around them, and they were terrified.

But the flack said to them, “Do not be afraid.  I bring you sound bites of great joy that will be for all the right wing-nuts.

Only dead fish go with the flow… *wink, wink*

Today in the town of Pittsburgh a book has been launched unto you; it is “Going Rogue”, oh, Lord.

This will be a sign to you: You will find the book wrapped in rhetoric and lying, what a danger.”

Suddenly a great company of mid-western Republicans appeared with the flack, praising Sarah and saying,

Glory to GOP in the highest, and on earth all others pale in comparison.

And I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight

Bring it on, Barack, I love a good fight.”

This post first appeared at The Offended American.

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Filed under christmas, Palin, Republicans

The Adventures of Pinheadio

Another Opportunity Missed To Be A Real Leader

by nonamedufus

Once upon a time, in a dark and melting land, lived a puppet known as Pinheadio who wished with all his wooden heart that he could be a real, live leader.  As the stiff, wooden Prime Minister of this Northern nation of Tim Bit crunchers and double-double swallowers known as Cantaduh, Pinheadio tried very hard to endear himself to the little people but each time his foot danced a step forward a string yanked it two steps back.

Now it was no secret that Pinheadio’s father and mentor, Hypcritto, who just happened to be the leader of the biggest nation of gallon for gallon gas-guzzlers of the free world, was the one pulling Pinheadio’s strings.

When you get in trouble and you don’t know right from wrong…give a little whistle.

There were those that wondered how Pinheadio and Hypcritto could be related since Pinheadio was as white as a newborn baby’s bum – and had often been referred to as something close to that description – and Hypcritto was as black as the coal-producing states he so craved electoral support from.  But the rumour was that Pinheadio was adopted, as most puppets are.  Pinheadio’s tell-tale black nose was the one give-away that the two were close.

The United States of Disunion’s influence on Cantaduh was unmistakable.  It could be seen in its trade, its economic policy, and in its television programming.

So it came as no surprise when Pinheadio chose to walk in lock-step with Hypcritto on a little matter of climate change, prompting many to repeat Marcellus’ oft quoted line “who cut the cheese in the state of Denmark”.

You see, Hypcritto trumpeted – don’t stand too close Pinheadio, you’ll get some on you – a new climate change charter that was “a meaningful and unprecedented breakthrough”.  Oddly enough, the charter contained no deadlines, no limits and wasn’t binding.  You’d think for all that cheesiness it would at least be binding.  Some deal!  And yet Pinheadio rushed in, where wise men fear to tread, and parroted his buddy’s exultations.  Well, at least there was no photo-op for the camera-shy Pinheadio to be late for.

We know why Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dee saw eye to eye.  But of course. As Hypcritto craves coal country’s backing, so too does Pinheadio prefer the petroleum patch’s support.  And this deal leaves wide open the setting of special emission levels for the energy sector.

Is this a good deal, overall?  Hmmm…  Why is Pinheadio’s nose starting to grow?

I had strings but now I’m free there are no strings on me…oops!

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Filed under environment, Harper, Obama

An Open Letter To The US, Eh?

Barack – “B” My Baby

by nonamedufus

You Americans are a funny lot.  You don’t offend me.  You just make me scratch my head.  I can’t get over the vitriolic spew I see day in day out about your President.  The guy’s gotta be the best White House resident in decades and yet everybody wants to tear him down.  Yeah, sure, feel sorry for Tiger Woods but lay into Obama.

Yes we can

Oprah to the rescue.  Barbara Walters with a tan scored the coup of her career when she sat down with President and Mrs Obama recently.  Well, hell she nearly single-handedly got him elected, so I guess this is pay-back.

I didn’t watch the show.  I tuned in to where America gets it’s news.  Fox News?  Hell, no. Entertainment Tonight! I went for the ET re-cap – sort of the Reader’s Digest version, if you will.  I figured I’d see 5-10 minutes of the silliest questions there instead of having to sit through an hour of that banality.

And the question that did it for me?  It was more the answer when Oprah asked him to rate himself one year in.  The President said he’d give himself a B+.  Hmmm, interesting.  I wish I’d had the opportunity to rate MYSELF when I was going to high school.  Sure wouldn’t have spent that second year in Grade 9!

And, hey, more power to the guy.  You can’t wait for somebody else to come along and pat you on the back.  (Well, except maybe for Oprah.)  So you may as well do it yourself.

Right on Barack.  Oh, and way to go on picking up that Peace prize right after you decided to send 30,000 Americans to war.  Never mind.  I’ll just go back to scratching my head.

* This post originally appeared at The Offended American

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He’s Making A List (2)

For Those Both Naughty and Nice

by nonamedufus

Parliamentarians disappeared from Ottawa last week quicker than a Taliban detainee being turned over to torturing Afghans.  The House adjourned for the holidays and not a creature was stirring, not even a Tiny Tory louse.

But that won’t stop us from engaging in our favourite past-time of the season.  We have some special cadeaux de noel to pass along to some special people.

For Industry Minister Tony Clement, a personality.  ‘Nuff said.

Clement…overly industrious?

For NDP Leader Jack Layton, a new party slogan.  “On Your Side” just doesn’t cut it.  Sounds like something they stole from CTV’s former consumer reporter Dale Goldhawk. Can we suggest “Aren’t  You Glad We Wimped Out and Didn’t Force An Election?”

Layton…beside himself?

Bloc Quebecois Leader Gilles Duceppe, a Senate appointment.  Hell, why not.  Makes about as much sense as a separatist leader being consistently re-elected to sit in Canada’s Parliament.  This cuts out the middleman…the voters…so he can screw Canadians.  Oh, wait.  He’s already screwing Canadians.

Duceppe…something fishy about his motives?

Minister of State for Sport Gary Lunn, platform-soled running shoes.  The Minister needs to stand as tall literally as he has metaphorically in promoting the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.  We wouldn’t want to sell the Minister’s efforts short.

Lunn…does he measure up to PM’s expectations?

http://www.liberal.ca, lessons in good taste.  The Little Looney Liberals are running a photoshop contest on their website. The target is Stephen Harper.  A rather tasteless pic depicting Harper being assassinated by Jack Ruby was  submitted and left up on the website until complaints started to roll in.  How could they have associated Harper with John Kennedy?

Not Ruby’s finest moment redux.

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Filed under Christmas gifts, politics