He’s The Boss Of Him
by Uni Blogger
OTTAWA (Slings and Arrows) – A far-flung investigation that took Slings and Arrows correspondents from Nepean to Barrie Ontario to Mount Kilimanjaro has uncovered the details of a plan by Stephen Harper to surreptitiously rebuild the political structure of the Canadian political system. All of our sources are closely aligned with the ruling Conservatives and to the Prime Minister and all spoke on deep background for fear of retribution. We can only reveal that one was climbing a mountain somewhere in Africa, another has a spouse who is about to cop a plea in a criminal case involving pharmaceuticals, and another who initially agreed to speak to us only if we labeled him as “Deepthroat, a request we refused but occasionally acquiesce to for the fun of it . He was disappointed when we told him that we considered the term “Deepthroat” a reference to an undercover informant and not a talented hooker.
As told to us, Harper’s prorogation of Parliament for the second time in a year was not about avoiding scrutiny by parliamentary committees, although this was the last straw contributing to his decision. Rather, it was an effort to once and for all emasculate the elected House of Commons by preventing it from sitting and (as one our sources quotes Harper as complaining) “raising all kinds of stupid embarrassing questions about how I do things around here. Look. I’m top dog around here. Why should I let that “sep” Duceppe, that socialist Layton and that guy with the Russian name second guess me? I’m Prime Minister! I got the majority of votes! Didn’t I? Didn’t I??” related “Deepthroat”, somewhat uncomfortably.
The story was picked up by the African mountain walker (it’s not a very tough mountain): “Look Stephen really likes the house on Sussex Drive and all, but he, um, doesn’t like going in to work very much so one day he said to himself: “I’m the boss of me and the boss of everything in the government so I’m gonna prorogue parliament then none of us will have to go in to work and nobody will be able to say bad things about me in that place’.” With that, he allowed Laureen to give him a peck on the cheek, shook his young son’s hand and left for Davos where the leaders of Mexico, Spain, South Africa and South Korea all – to quote CBC – “excoriated” him over Canada’s position on climate change, leaving Harper to begin thinking of ways to prorogue Davos.
The final piece of the puzzle was provided by “Deepthroat”. “Look, he’s just appointed five Conservative senators. That means the Liberals don’t have a majority in the Senate anymore. The biggest bloc in the Senate is now conservative and they all listen to Stephen.
Once the new Senators are seated he can tell them exactly what to do and they will do it. Then, (Deepthroat smiles conspiratorially) Stephen will lift the prorogation in the Senate but continue the prorogation in the House. He’ll do everything through the Senate!”
“But what about the Governor General”? S&A asks.
“Oh, he’ll send her an e-mail if and when he finds her address. Besides that, she’s busy trying to answer all those questions about why Steve Fonyo had his Order of Canada taken away and why Conrad Black still has his.”
“Yes, but the Senate is an unelected body. Isn’t an elected Senate a core belief of this Prime Minister?”
“Uh, I guess, uh, maybe, but uh things change you know,” replied Deepthroat”