A Shaggy Political Aide Story
Somewhere in the bowels of the Prime Minister’s Office two Conservative strategists are talking.
Tiny Tory #1: Blessed be to Sir John A, the boss is going to blow his stack over the latest polls.
Tiny Tory #2: Why, what’s up?
Tiny Tory #1: The Liberals, man, that’s what’s up. The boss put the kibosh on Parliament to silence his gritty critics and now the P.I.’s drawn his party neck-and-neck in the polls.
Tiny Tory #2: The P.I.?
Tiny Tory #1: Pompous Intellectual… You know? Ignatieff?
Tiny Tory #2: Oh, him. But if he’s so pompous, why’s he up so high in the polls?
Tiny Tory #1: ‘Cause he’s less pompous than the Emperor.
Tiny Tory #2: The Emperor?
Tiny Tory #1: The boss, man, Harper.
Tiny Tory #2: Shhh… someone’ll hear you. If they do they’ll move us to the Press Office.
Tiny Tory #1: Don’t even think it!
Tiny Tory #2: Okay, okay. But we’ve got to come up with something. Like, like, oh, I don’t know, like the Olympics. You know, they have a problem with a lack of snow so they’re trucking it in from somewhere else. If they didn’t they’d be hosting the summer olympics.
Tiny Tory #1: We should truck MPs in from somewhere else? Where?
Tiny Tory #2: No, no we’ll truck the PM to BC. Have him speak to the provincial legislature.
Tiny Tory #1: Sure, that makes sense. He won’t step foot in Parliament. Why would he go to the BC legislature?
Tiny Tory #2: To prorogue it! Yeah, that’s it. We’ll start in Victoria and work our way east until we get to Newfoundland. We’ll prorogue every legislature in the nation!
Tiny Tory #1: But whatever for? Why would he do that?
Tiny Tory #2: I haven’t worked it out yet. We’ll have to give that some thought.
Tiny Tory #1: What do we do in the meantime?
Tiny Tory #2: If anybody asks just tell them we can’t recall.