House Of Commons On The Road To Nowhere

Prorogation Reaches End, Dead End

by Uni Blogger

IQALUIT, NUNAVUT (Slings and Arrows) – Thanks to its worldwide network of correspondents, gossips, spies and other lowlifes, Slings and Arrows has obtained a transcript of a satellite telephone conversation between Finance Minister Jim Flaherty at the G7 Finance Ministers’ meeting in Iqaluit and the Prime Minister who was somewhere on a fancy couch eating pizza and watching Fox News.

PM:  Hello Jim, I was hoping you’d call a little later. Here, wait a second while I push the “record” button for Sarah Palin’s speech. How’s it goin’ up there?

FM: Hello Boss.  Let me begin by congratulating you on that great idea of yours to hold the meeting up here.  What with the only way to get here being a three thousand dollar round trip ticket on First Air, there’s nary an anti-globalization protester or anarchist anywhere in Iqaluit.

PM: That’s really good Jim, but I thought I saw video of a guy wearing white long johns, a cape and a black balaclava.

FM: Oh that’s a local guy named “Polarman” who goes around town doing good deeds.  He was hoping to help some of the delegates cross the streets here during rush hour.

PM: Sounds good, now let’s get to the real reason for your trip up there.  What are you finding out?

FM: Well, just to recap, we know that we have to get that pesky House of Commons out of the way.  But if we keep them prorogued forever someone’s bound to catch on.  There’s a road that runs eight miles out from Iqaluit. It stops in the middle of nowhere.  No trees, no bushes, no nothing.  I haven’t seen anything more lonely since I last saw Stephane Dion. It’s the perfect place to relocate the MPs and the House of Commons.

A fitting home for Canada’s politicians.

PM: Sounds good in theory, but isn’t this gonna cost some coin?

FM: Hey, I’m the Finance Minister remember, the guy you put in charge of the economy?  We’ll sell it as an economic development plan for Nunavut and a cost saving initiative for the taxpayer by getting rid of an unused building in Ottawa.  And, when we take apart the House of Commons brick by brick, we’ll have them reassemble it in three-quarter scale up there.  That way it’ll look like we’re saving even more money. Don’t want people to think that we’re profligate ya know.

PM: This sounds so delicious!  We move the MPs up there where people will pay even less attention to them. That means that once they’re up there and out of sight out of mind, we can lift the prorogation and continue with our plan to run the country through our own appointed non-elected Senate.  When can you start making this work?

FM: Well, there’s still a bit of a hitch.  Town council up here is intent on using that spot for a garbage dump.

PM: I don’t see the problem.  Isn’t that what we’re sending up there?

Who knew there were breathalyzer tests on the road to nowhere?

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6 Comments

Filed under Harper, Parliament

6 responses to “House Of Commons On The Road To Nowhere

  1. The scary part? They probably would if they could. Parliament in a place with an almost-major airport, train connections, highways to elsewhere and active press coverage is such a bother for them.

  2. Don LaBelle

    Great blog. It will only work if the PM leads to group up there and stays there. He’s useless anywhere else.

    • Thanks for the comment about the blog. If you know of a way to convince him let me and Uni Blogger know. I think given Canadians’ reaction to prorogation that come the next election he’ll surely be on the road to nowhere.

  3. Colleen O'Doherty

    Great Blogs guys I am looking forward to reading more. Hopefully you can chronicle Harpo’s last days as PM.

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