Who’s the Idiot That Came Up With “Own The Podium”

Own the Toilet’s More Like It

by nonamedufus

Here in the “great white north” some numb skull came up with a program called Own The Podium.  The idea was to financially support Canadian winter athletes and their coaches to the tune of $118 miliion – half of which was supplied by the taxpayer – with the goal of winning more medals than any other country at the 2010 winter Olympics.

The problem with the program apart from its ridiculously self-aggrandizing moniker was that it mounted an elaborate marketing campaign to tell everyone this was what it was doing – going to “own” the podium – whipping Canadians into an overly-optimistic frenzy.  Hey we’re Canadians.  Canadians are nice guys.  Nice guys finish last and sometime second and third and maybe on a good day, on a hill with no snow, first.

Organizers now admit we won’t be owning the podium.  Duh.  What was your first clue?  In the standings yesterday Canada stood 5th with 9 medals.  Our competition to the south had stolen our podium with 24.  You know Own The Podium gives new meaning to downhill.  Indeed, more than downhill it’s gone right down the toilet.  Small wonder making the rounds on Twitter is the suggestion the program should be called Own the Imodium.

The hopes and wallets of Canadians across the country had been lifted.  We were to expect gold medals in downhill racing, speed-skating and so on.  Often our athletes finished right out of the medals in some of these events.  And what’s to become of our men’s hockey team?  These guys are professionals.  They earn on average over $5 million a year. And they can’t even beat the Americans.

Why ‘Own The Podium’? This was already taken.

Canadians aren’t chest-thumpers.  We’re reserved and polite.  A more appropriate name for the program?

Here’s hoping we get to the podium, eh?

Or, maybe…

Let’s all cross our fingers we win a medal.

But Own The Podium?  That’s like Stephen Harper saying “majority government”.


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