Monthly Archives: March 2010

The Family Of Party Values

Shake Your Money Maker

by nonamedufus

Michael Steele must be reading Titus Maccius Plautus these days.  Who is Michael Steele?  And who is Plautus?  Well Plautus is a Roman playwright who first came up with the line “You have to spend money to make money.”  Michael Steele is the Chairman of the Republican National Committee – he raises money – and appears to have taken Plautus’ words to heart – well at least the first half of that expression.

Get a load of this.  Steele wanted to buy a jet so it’d be easier for him to travel across the country.  He didn’t but he charters one, spending $17,500 on chartered jets in February.  And when he gets to where he’s going he stays in style, booking into only the swankiest of hotels.

Steele’s the guy, by the way, who signed off on the RNC holding a convention in Hawaii.  When?  Oh, ah, in the middle of winter.  Tab? $44,000, not including airfare.  But 168 airfares don’t come cheap.

Now comes word that some RNC members whooped it up at a “bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.”  They whooped it up pretty good spending close to $2,000.  The club in question – The Voyeur – serves tea sandwiches and organic cocktails.  Sure.  Uh-huh.  Seems like somebody in the Grand Old Party likes having a grand old party!

Anyone for $2000 worth of tea sandwiches, with a side order of strippers?

The RNC currently has $9.5 million in its coffers.  Steele began his tenure with $22.8 million and he’s raised $96.2 million.  Where did $109.6 million go?  Well money was spent on two governor’s campaigns in Virginia and New Jersey.  The rest?  I guess you gotta pole dance to make money – even if you do belong to the “party of family values.  Plautus would be gyrating in his grave.

Are Republicans considering a pole tax?

****

The dollar figures in this post were found in a story at The Daily Caller, and in some instances have been rounded off.

This post first appeared at nonamedufus

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Back To The Future

Liberal Leader Unveils New Look

by nonamedufus


MONTREAL (Slings And Arrows) – We take you now to the backrooms of the Liberal Party’s Canada 150 Conference where several “Little Liberals” are gathered to discuss the success of the proceedings.

LL#1: Geez, a carbon tax?  What was that? Back to the future?

LL#2: It’s not any weirder than invoking George Bush in that stupid opposition day motion last week.

LL#3: Yeah, first George Bush and now Stephane Dion.  What is wrong with these people.

LL#2: But that motion.  That was our own motion.  And we couldn’t even win it. If we can’t even organize ourselves to win our own motion how will we demonstrate to Canadians that we can govern?

LL#1: Tell me about it.  And we’re supposed to be holding a conference on the future – the future of the party, the future of the country – and who is front and centre?

LL#2: Who?

LL#3: Yeah, who?

LL#1: John Blessed Turner, Jean Bloody Chretien, and Paul Dithering Martin – the father, son and he was toast of the Liberal Party.  We’re supposed to be looking for new ideas, not trotting out retreads.

LL#2: Speaking of retreads, people are saying we should be engaging in an “adult conversation” here.  That’s pretty difficult when we don’t seem to have any in the parliamentary wing of the party.

LL#3:  Yeah, the media’s saying the party’s being controlled by two former NDP Premiers – Rae and Dosanjh.

LL#1: You mean Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.

LL#2: No, you mean Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber!

LL#3:  We’re looking a lot like the Gong Show, here.

LL#1: The Keystone Cops.

LL#2: A bunch of diddling doorknobs.

LL#3: Let’s leave the Catholic Church out of this.  We have enough problems of our own.

LL#2: But we have a leader that’s the laughing stock of Canadian politics.

LL#1: Hey, at least Ignatieff has one forward-looking policy.

LL#2: What’s that?

LL#1:  He agrees with the government of Quebec and supports the banning of the niqab worn by Muslim women.  He believes they should bare their face when dealing with the government.

LL#3:  If you ask me he should be wearing one.

Michael Ignatieff addresses Canada 150 Conference on weekend.

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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

Here’s what our editorial cartoonists have been up to this week…

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Looney Liberals

Liberals Lose Own Motion

by nonamedufus

Liberal caucus meets to strategize.  A government-in-waiting?

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Rail Resistance Remake In Works

Duceppe Set To Star

by nonamedufus

OTTAWA (SLINGS AND ARROWS) – Slings and Arrows has learned that the Conservative government  intends to produce a remake of that 1966 World War II cinematic classic about the resistance movement, John Frankenheimer’s The Train. Stephen Harper’s former Quebec Lieutenant and current Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon made the announcement to reporters yesterday.

“Clearly, Gilles Duceppe’s likening the Bloc Quebecois to the French Resistance lends itself nicely to what we have in mind,” said the Minister as he showed reporters a trailer from the original film.

“Who better to undertake the starring role than M. Duceppe. He sees himself as Burt Lancaster to the people of Quebec and he intends to travel the country spreading the word about sovereignty and the Bloc Resistance. What better opportunity for the Government to expose his true intentions. The railroad in Canada is our metaphor for nation building, as so well explained by Pierre Burton in The Last Spike. It is M. Duceppe and his Nazi references directed at the rest of the country who intends to drive the last spike into confederation,” said Cannon.

Here’s how I’d hold my gun de machine, la.

Cannon says the government intends to film Duceppe’s tour as he metaphorically blows up Canada and has hired Canadian film maker Jason Reitman to direct. “Reitman’s films include Thank You For Smoking, Juno and Up In The Air, so it sounds like he has experience with war action films.” When told by reporters the films had nothing to do with war, Cannon said, “Yeah, but he’s Jewish and from Montreal so he should bring some much needed balance to the production.”

Cannon, one of the Prime Minister’s big guns in Cabinet will executive produce the film. As he ended his news conference he left reporters with these parting words, “This is the most exciting thing to happen to the Bloc in the 20 years they’ve been in Parliament – well except for their Canadian pensions. It won’t carry them to the peak of glory. But it will carry you to the peak of adventure. And it is brought to you by Canada’s Action Plan.”

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Prime Minister Reins In Ministers

Travel “Advisory” Issued

by nonamedufus

OTTAWA (Slings And Arrows) – The Prime Minister has taken steps to avoid further gaffes by his Cabinet Ministers at the nation’s airports.  The government has been embarrassed twice now by the behaviour of Ministers.  One called Charlottetown a “hellhole” and told airport staff she’d been “working my ass off for you people.”  The other Minister was bent out of shape when Ottawa airport security wouldn’t allow him to take a bottle of tequila on board a flight with him.

Mr. Harper promises to prevent future flunky flare-ups by issuing all Ministers the Never Have To Say You’re Sorry Tory Travel Kit.  The kit includes: a fine collection of alcoholic spirits in bottles under 100 millilitres.

Alcohol for high-spirited Cabinet Ministers

A 24 of Devil’s Pale Ale in cans (it’s all about the environment) so a Minister can call any place in Canada a “hell hole” with conviction.

666 – Her satanic Minister’s request

One free class with every ministerial subscription to Jazzercise so Ministers can truthfully say they’re “working their asses off”.

Ministers can get rid of the junk in their trunks

And each kit will contain a travel pillow because, between you and me, we know what a pain in the neck those pesky constituents can be.

Inflatable, just like Ministers’ egos

And finally, just to be on the safe side, each Minister will be issued a roll of duct tape that can be affixed to their mouths while they pass through security.


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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

Here’s how our editorial cartoonists viewed things this week…

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