Duceppe Set To Star
OTTAWA (SLINGS AND ARROWS) – Slings and Arrows has learned that the Conservative government intends to produce a remake of that 1966 World War II cinematic classic about the resistance movement, John Frankenheimer’s The Train. Stephen Harper’s former Quebec Lieutenant and current Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon made the announcement to reporters yesterday.
“Clearly, Gilles Duceppe’s likening the Bloc Quebecois to the French Resistance lends itself nicely to what we have in mind,” said the Minister as he showed reporters a trailer from the original film.
“Who better to undertake the starring role than M. Duceppe. He sees himself as Burt Lancaster to the people of Quebec and he intends to travel the country spreading the word about sovereignty and the Bloc Resistance. What better opportunity for the Government to expose his true intentions. The railroad in Canada is our metaphor for nation building, as so well explained by Pierre Burton in The Last Spike. It is M. Duceppe and his Nazi references directed at the rest of the country who intends to drive the last spike into confederation,” said Cannon.
Cannon says the government intends to film Duceppe’s tour as he metaphorically blows up Canada and has hired Canadian film maker Jason Reitman to direct. “Reitman’s films include Thank You For Smoking, Juno and Up In The Air, so it sounds like he has experience with war action films.” When told by reporters the films had nothing to do with war, Cannon said, “Yeah, but he’s Jewish and from Montreal so he should bring some much needed balance to the production.”
Cannon, one of the Prime Minister’s big guns in Cabinet will executive produce the film. As he ended his news conference he left reporters with these parting words, “This is the most exciting thing to happen to the Bloc in the 20 years they’ve been in Parliament – well except for their Canadian pensions. It won’t carry them to the peak of glory. But it will carry you to the peak of adventure. And it is brought to you by Canada’s Action Plan.”