Liberal Leader Unveils New Look
MONTREAL (Slings And Arrows) – We take you now to the backrooms of the Liberal Party’s Canada 150 Conference where several “Little Liberals” are gathered to discuss the success of the proceedings.
LL#1: Geez, a carbon tax? What was that? Back to the future?
LL#2: It’s not any weirder than invoking George Bush in that stupid opposition day motion last week.
LL#3: Yeah, first George Bush and now Stephane Dion. What is wrong with these people.
LL#2: But that motion. That was our own motion. And we couldn’t even win it. If we can’t even organize ourselves to win our own motion how will we demonstrate to Canadians that we can govern?
LL#1: Tell me about it. And we’re supposed to be holding a conference on the future – the future of the party, the future of the country – and who is front and centre?
LL#3: Yeah, who?
LL#1: John Blessed Turner, Jean Bloody Chretien, and Paul Dithering Martin – the father, son and he was toast of the Liberal Party. We’re supposed to be looking for new ideas, not trotting out retreads.
LL#2: Speaking of retreads, people are saying we should be engaging in an “adult conversation” here. That’s pretty difficult when we don’t seem to have any in the parliamentary wing of the party.
LL#3: Yeah, the media’s saying the party’s being controlled by two former NDP Premiers – Rae and Dosanjh.
LL#1: You mean Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.
LL#2: No, you mean Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber!
LL#3: We’re looking a lot like the Gong Show, here.
LL#1: The Keystone Cops.
LL#2: A bunch of diddling doorknobs.
LL#3: Let’s leave the Catholic Church out of this. We have enough problems of our own.
LL#2: But we have a leader that’s the laughing stock of Canadian politics.
LL#1: Hey, at least Ignatieff has one forward-looking policy.
LL#2: What’s that?
LL#1: He agrees with the government of Quebec and supports the banning of the niqab worn by Muslim women. He believes they should bare their face when dealing with the government.
LL#3: If you ask me he should be wearing one.