Harper to Jettison Junior Minister
OTTAWA (Slings And Arrows) – Helena Guergis will be blasted from cabinet this week. Stephen Harper, in a move that comes as no surprise to anyone on Parliament Hill plans on replacing his troubled junior Minister of State Responsible for Women.
“Ms Guergis has unfortunately outlived her usefulness,’ said the Prime Minister. Her actions have shown her to be a thoughtless, spaced-out individual. I need ministers with their feet on the ground. I have no other choice but to launch her from cabinet.”
When Harper said “launch”, he meant launch, literally. Slings And Arrows has learned Guergis is being sent to the Canada Space Agency and will be immediately loaned to NASA for this week’s record-breaking launch of the most women in space at any one time. Guergis will join four female astronauts on the international space station – a former schoolteacher, a chemist and two aerospace engineers.
The crew will spend 13 days in space or less, depending on how long the other four can put up with the former cabinet minister.
Said Prime Minister Harper, “We’ll see how it goes. If it works out, we may leave her there permanently. I have the highest hopes for her in her new role. She’s always been a real space-cadet so in a sense she’s already trained for this assignment.”
Surprisingly, Guergis welcomed the news. “Hey I’m working my astronaut off for you people.”