But Junior Minister Will Still Dance With The Stars
KENNEDY SPACE CENTER (Slings And Arrows) – Prime Minister Harper indicated his disappointment today over his junior Minister’s tardiness. “First Charlottetown, now Cape Kennedy. This is two flights she’s missed.”
On Monday we reported in an exclusive story that Helena Guergis was set to be launched from the federal cabinet and into outer space to join up with 4 other women astronauts to set a world – or out of this world – record for the most women in space at one time. The Prime Minister was quoted as saying he considered Guergis a natural for this task as the entire caucus considered her out of this world.
According to a letter sent to the PMO by a NASA official who witnessed the event, Guergis showed up only minutes prior to lift off and was told she should have arrived sooner. She replied, “Sooner? I’m down here working my ass off for you people.” She then removed her space boots and threw them into the launch pre-check basket and banged on a glass door in an attempt to delay the launch. She then proclaimed “It’s my fucking birthday.” But then muttered, “Damn, I already used that one in Charlottetown.”
She says she was late because she and husband Rahim Jaffer, who was recently let off on drunk driving and drug possession charges were sharing a last-minute Coke before blasting off.
Guergis says that since she knows she’ll soon be out of a cabinet job, and has to pay off an $800,000 Rockcliffe mortgage, she and husband Jaffer will be applying to the producers of Dancing With The Stars. “Well Rahim and I have both danced our way out of trouble in the past. I don’t see why this wouldn’t work for us – we’re naturals. And if Kate Gosselin can get on that fuc… excuse me, that show, anybody can. Now if you’ll excuse me we have to start practicing. We’re gonna dance our asses off for you people.”