Willie and Frankie – Part 1

Willie and Frankie are two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls in the wake of the summer recess.

Frankie: Hey Willie.

Willie: Hi Frankie.

Frankie: How’s the Hall of Honour?

Willie: A lot more honourable now that those yahoos have returned to their ridings.

Frankie: Shhh!

Willie: What?

Frankie: Someone could hear you!

Willie: C’mon Frankie, it’s the middle of the night.  Nobody’s here except you and me.

Frankie: Boy that was some Parliamentary session, wasn’t it?

Willie: Tell me about it.  You know one day I was watchin’…

Frankie: That spineless nit-wit they call the leader of the Official Opposition?

Willie: Yeah.  And he was asking a question of…

Frankie: Big Boy Billion Dollar Boondoggle Harper?

Willie: Yeah. And instead of the Prime Minister answering…

Frankie: That Pit-Bull Pretty Boy Bullshitter Baird jumped up?

Willie: Yeah!

Frankie: Oh, I HATE when THAT happens.

Willie: You know what I hate?

Frankie: No, what?

Willie: Well one day I was on duty, you know, outside…

Frankie: The so-called Chamber of Sober Second Thought?

Willie: Yeah, except on this day it was the snoring chamber of no thought whatsoever.

Frankie: Oh yeah?

Willie: Yeah.  And the snores were so loud you’d think you were watching a World Cup match.

Frankie: Oh, I HATE when THAT happens.

Willie: Yeah.  It was really annoying.  You know it reminded me of the time in the men’s washroom when Gilles Duceppe, Jack Layton, Michael Ignatieff and Stephen Harper were all…

Frankie: Uh, Willie, I don’t think I want to know.

Willie: Yeah, I HATE when THAT happens.

Frankie: Hey, I’m hungry.  You wanna raid the Parliamentary Restaurant kitchen.

Willie: Hey come on Frankie, that’d be stealing from the taxpayers.

Frankie: Like around this place that’s gonna make a difference?

With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.


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