These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls in the wake of the summer recess. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.
Frankie: Hey Willie!
Willie: Hi Frankie.
Frankie: Boy that was some show last week.
Willie: What show was that?
Frankie: The Canada Day celebrations.
Willie: Oh, yeah, those.
Frankie: They had fireworks.
Willie: Did you hear about that guy in Long Island…
Frankie: …that blew his arm off with fireworks?
Willie: Yeah, yeah, that’s the guy. That’s gotta hurt.
Frankie: Eww, I hate when THAT happens.
Willie: Yeah, me too. I guess you really have to hand it to him.
Frankie: I’ll bet he got a real bang for his buck with those fireworks.
Willie: Hey, did you know they had…
Frankie: …naked people running around the Hill on July 1st.
Willie: Eww, I hate when THAT happens. It reminds me of…
Frankie: …the incident in the 80s with the speaker streaker?
Willie: Yeah, that’s it. But this time it was a group of naked people.
Frankie: Of course it was a group silly. They’re called the Barenaked Ladies…and don’t worry, they kept their clothes on.
Willie: Oh, I hate when THAT happens.
Frankie: And the Queen was there, too.
Willie: But I thought Freddie Mercury was dead?
Frankie: No, no, this Queen parades around in brightly coloured clothes and fancy hats and a matching purse.
Willie: Yeah, I know. Freddie Mercury.
Frankie: No, dummy, Queen Elizabeth. She’s going to live forever.
Willie: Oh, yeah, I bet Charles just hates when THAT happens.
Frankie: Say that was some set-to…
Willie: …in downtown Toronto the other week?
Frankie: Yeah, yeah, that’s it.
Willie: What I don’t understand is why Gilles Duceppe was there?
Frankie: Gilles Duceppe?
Willie: Yeah, I heard on the news the streets were filled with the Bloc.
Frankie: Not the Bloc Quebecois you idiot, the Black Bloc.
Willie: Oh the party’s expanded it’s membership?
Frankie: No silly, they’re two different things.
Willie: Oh? And how are they different?
Frankie: Well one provokes divisions among democratic institutions and then disappears.
Willie: And how’s that different from the other one?
Frankie: Hmmm…the other one provokes divisions among democratic institutions and no matter what you try just won’t disappear.
Willie: Eww, I hate when THAT happens!
With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.