Canadian Sea Scientists Have Deep Delerium

Can’t Guage Depth of Excitement

by nonamedufus

FLEMISH CAP, ATLANTIC OCEAN (Slings and Arrows) – A scientific research team from three Canadian universities and a Spanish institute is reporting some significant deep water discoveries in the ocean off the coast of Newfoundland and Labrador.

According to Dr. Mena Dadeeps, of the Bedford Institute of Oceanography of Halifax biologists are using a submersible robot, controlled from the Coast Guard research vessel the Hudson, which is beaming back images, from until now unexplorable depths, of tulip-shaped sponges, delicate pink stars and feathery organisms.  “You’d be surprised by some of the whacky shit we’ve discovered,” said Dr. Dadeeps.  “The feathery orgasm is something that really intrigues me,” she moaned.

Among the other items discovered by the research team are Joey Smallwood and his cabinet who were deep-sixed by Frank Moores in 1972, the Ocean Ranger which sunk in the 80s, an abundant cod fishery, which according to some had disappeared altogether, and the Atlantic Accord which, some say, was never really afloat to begin with.

The research team has managed to capture samples or images of prehistoric deep-sea lifeforms…

…and tall organisms that look like denuded premiers.

When asked why the Spanish were involved in a project deep in Canadian waters Dr. Dadeeps responded, “Are you kidding? The Spanish have always had an interest in our Grand Banks, whether we like it or not.  Our work here could determine future fisheries policy. The Spaniards sure aren’t here just for the halibut – if you ‘catch’ my ‘drift’!”


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Filed under fisheries, Newfoundland

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