These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls in the wake of the summer recess. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.
Frankie: Hey, Willie. Long time no see!
Willie: Yeah, I’ve been on…
Frankie: Well you missed some interesting times around here.
Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens. Like what?
Frankie: Well, Michael Ignatieff and his Liberal Express visited with…
Willie: Paul Martin?
Frankie: Yeah, him, too. But I was going for…
Willie: Jean Chretien?
Frankie: Yeah, yeah. And a couple of days after he needed…
Willie: A vaccination?
Frankie: What? No, no. He needed brain surgery.
Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.
Frankie: But the guy’s a marvel. A day or two later he was up and walking around. His doctors…
Willie: Emerson, Lake and Palmer?
Frankie: Wha? Why do you say that?
Willie: You know. ELP are world renowned for their brain salad surgery.
Frankie: Ewww, I hate when you do that!
Willie: Say you know who really needs brain surgery?
Frankie: Tony Clement?
Willie: Got it in one, my friend.
Frankie: Yeah the census sensai had absolutely no concensus on his silly census changes.
Willie: You said a mouthful, Frankie.
Frankie: What’s wrong with this guy? He’s flip-flopped over this issue more than…
Willie: A batch of deck-bound rainbow trout from Clement’s government funded, taxpayer provided Muskoka Lake shangri-la?
Frankie: Um, ah, yeah.
Willie: That Mr. Harper sure has some weird ideas sometimes. Remember his idea to change…
Frankie: the National Anthem?
Willie: Yeah, that was it. Or that time he was gonna remove…
Frankie: Parliamentary allowances for political parties?
Willie: Yeah. Sometimes I wonder how this guy remains in power.
Frankie: Yeah, now he’s getting rid of the long form census, even though every statistician worth his abacus has argued against it.
Willie: And I heard chief statistician Munir Sheikh resigned over this.
Frankie: Yep, I guess as Nancy Sinatra used to say, he told the Minister “These boots are made for walking”.
Willie: Or as KC and the Sunshine Band once said the guy’s conscience told him to: “Sheikh you’re boot, eh?”
With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.