Willie And Frankie – Part 3

These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls in the wake of the summer recess. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.

Frankie: Hey, Willie. Long time no see!

Willie: Yeah, I’ve been on…

Frankie: Vacation?

Willie: Yeah!

Frankie: Well you missed some interesting times around here.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.  Like what?

Frankie: Well, Michael Ignatieff and his Liberal Express visited with…

Willie: Paul Martin?

Frankie: Yeah, him, too. But I was going for…

Willie: Jean Chretien?

Frankie: Yeah, yeah. And a couple of days after he needed…

Willie: A vaccination?

Frankie: What? No, no.  He needed brain surgery.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: But the guy’s a marvel. A day or two later he was up and walking around. His doctors…

Willie: Emerson, Lake and Palmer?

Frankie: Wha? Why do you say that?

Willie: You know.  ELP are world renowned for their brain salad surgery.

Frankie: Ewww, I hate when you do that!

Willie: Say you know who really needs brain surgery?

Frankie: Tony Clement?

Willie: Got it in one, my friend.

Frankie: Yeah the census sensai had absolutely no concensus on his silly census changes.

Willie: You said a mouthful, Frankie.

Frankie: What’s wrong with this guy? He’s flip-flopped over this issue more than…

Willie: A batch of deck-bound rainbow trout from Clement’s government funded, taxpayer provided Muskoka Lake shangri-la?

Frankie: Um, ah, yeah.

Willie: That Mr. Harper sure has some weird ideas sometimes. Remember his idea to change…

Frankie: the National Anthem?

Willie: Yeah, that was it.  Or that time he was gonna remove…

Frankie: Parliamentary allowances for political parties?

Willie: Yeah. Sometimes I wonder how this guy remains in power.

Frankie: Yeah, now he’s getting rid of the long form census, even though every statistician worth his abacus has argued against it.

Willie: And I heard chief statistician Munir Sheikh resigned over this.

Frankie: Yep, I guess as Nancy Sinatra used to say, he told the Minister “These boots are made for walking”.

Willie: Or as KC and the Sunshine Band once said the guy’s conscience told him to: “Sheikh you’re boot, eh?”

With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.



Filed under census, conservatives, foot in mouth

2 responses to “Willie And Frankie – Part 3

  1. unfinishedrambler

    Loved the reference to ELP: Brain Salad Surgery. Nicely played, sir.

    Being an American, I didn’t quite get the rest. I guess I need to read the Toronto Mail, eh?

    Or what do you recommend?

    • Yeah, this post focusses on Canadian political developments that have occurred during the doldrums of summer, in particular the announcement by Industry minister Tony Clement that the government – without any parliamentary debate or public consumption – is doing away with the mandatory long-form census. The census! An issue! Only in Canada, you say? Oh by the way it’s the Globe and Mail. But I recommend you keep reading Slings and Arrows.

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