Canada Rocked by Aging Influx
VANCOUVER (SLINGS AND ARROWS) – Quick on the heels of last week’s landing of the Sun Sea cargo ship containing 490 Tamil refugees, which in and of itself sparked a considerable debate among Canadians over the issue of illegal immigrants, comes word a second ship is steaming towards the port of Vancouver in search of asylum.
According to Canadian Coast Guard officials, the ship the ShouldbeDeadandGone is listing slowly towards Canada after having been turned away from every country it has attempted to gain access to date.
While the government is remaining tight-lipped over the nationality of those aboard Coast Guard officials say the limping vessel contains members of re-formed 60s pop groups.
Public Safety Minister Vic Toetapper says group members were led to believe they were joining a Dick Clark Rock ‘n Roll Revival and paid as much as $40,000 to $50,000 per member for the passage. “Dick Clark is making a massive profit at the hands of these washed up musicians,” said Toetapper. “And now these washed up musicians are washing up on our shores. It’s not righteous, brother. Well actually it is. I understand Bill Medley is among the passengers.”
When asked for his comment, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said, “Hell, man, I’ll jam with anybody.” The PM, who has visited Abbey Road Studios, performed Beatles songs in concert and jammed with Brian Adams, Nickleback and the Barenaked Ladies, inquired, “Is Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers aboard? I just love that do-wap shit – as Canadians well know.”
Coast Guard officials were able to confirm the 47th incarnation of the Beach Boys were aboard having some fun, fun, fun. They also indicated the surviving members of Gerry and the Pacemakers weren’t gonna let the sun catch them crying. Meanwhile, Donovan was doing what he could to help the ship’s mechanic ensure the aging vessel made it to Canadian shores, given his experience as a hurdy gurdy man.
In a clear case of the pot-belly calling the vessel black, former Guess Who lead singer, Canadian Burton Cummings said,”Hey, if no one else wants these aging rock and roll nobodies, why should we take them? We’re simply not about to share the land. Canadians should be shakin’ all over.”
This post first appeared at The Parody Files