Monthly Archives: September 2010

Working In A Coalition

Going Down, Down, Down

by nonamedufus

OTTAWA (SLINGS AND ARROWS) – In Ottawa the Conservatives continue to make traction with their constant accusations that Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is working to form a coalition of Liberals, New Democrats and Blocs. The latest polls this week put the Tories 6 points ahead of the Liberals. We reached the Liberal leader in Kneejerk, Saskatchewan just prior to his latest “Open Mike” and asked him for his reaction to all of this. He summed his vews up in song…

And a-one, and a-two and a-three…

Working in a coalition

Goin’ down, down, down

Workin’ at an Open Mike

Polls about to slip down

Workin’ in a coalition

Rumours going round, round

Workin’ in a coalition

Harper’s got me down, down

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Five o’clock news this mornin’

Harper and his Cons

Sayin’ I want coalition

How long can this go on?

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I’m workin’ in a coalition

Goin’ down, down, down

Layton ain’t helping

Says would have worked with Dion

Workin’ in a coalition

Tory smears got me down

Workin’ in a coalition

Rumour’s all over town

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Cos I’m frustrated this mornin’

Oh I go by the polls

But when those results come ’round

I’m too tired to get things done (Too tired to get things done)

Working…

Going….

Down, down, down…

Goin’ down, down, down

With apologies to Lee Dorsey and “Working In a Coal Mine”.

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Filed under Ignatieff, Liberals

Random Thoughts

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CBC’s late-night show The Hour has been cut back to half-an-hour and renamed after it’s host, George Stroumboulopoulas.  The title of the show is now longer than the show itself.

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Headline: “Television Bureau of Canada helps opponents kill assisted-suicide TV ad.” Anyone else see the irony in that headline?

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The government wants to build more jails because unreported crime is on the rise. How will they find the criminals to fill these jails if their crimes aren’t reported?

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Would you describe Prime Minister Harper’s pick of Nigel Wright of Onex to be his next Chief of Staff a ‘gem” of a choice?

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Does anyone else find it odd that they call a place the House of Commons when it’s clear the inhabitants there really don’t have anything in common?

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The Liberal Party of Canada has initiated something called Open Mike. Did the Grits just hire Mike Bullard as a motivational speaker?

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Filed under politics, TV

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword


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Pastor Jones Sets Sights On New Target

Your roving Slings And Arrows investigative reporter nonamedufus has learned that Terry Jones, who threatened recently to burn the Koran, inflaming – so to speak – an international uproar, has set his sights on a new target.

Koran Cuckoo

The former nincompoop nobody, in an attempt at a full half-hour of fame, exclusively told nonamedufus of his plans. “Christians are being persecuted by them. They’re attempting to influence Americans and gain acceptance as an extremist force in this country”, said Pastor Jones. “My congregation – those that are left after that little flame fiasco – and I are dead set against letting them overrun us, taking over our society and leading us into damnation.”

When asked why he was continuing to persecute Muslims, Jones replied, “Muslims? Are you nuts, man? I’m talking about something much worse: those screaming tween twit fans of that infidel Justin Bieber!”

Satan’s Singing Spawn?

Jones says he plans to burn Bieber records. “I haven’t heard them but I know Bieber is of the devil. We’re going to put a torch to that little Canuck crooner’s catalogue. It’s time to usher in a new order.”

Jones said if need be he’d call on other members of his former comedy troupe to assist him. “Of course Chapman’s dead, but Idle, Cleese and Palin aren’t up to anything else right now. I’m sure my fellow Pythoners will pitch in.” And he aded, “People think this Dove congregation’s dead. No it’s not. It’s just sleeping.”

No one expects the Bieber inquisition.

Unlike the reaction to his plan to burn the Koran, Christians and Muslims alike rejoiced around the world.

This post appeared originally at The Parody Files.

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Parti Quebecois Left-Wingers Attempt Power Play

There would appear to be a very odd relationship between Quebec politicians and it’s hockey teams – real and imagined.

Two weeks ago some backbench-riding federal Conservative Members of Parliament donned Quebec Nordiques jerseys in an impassioned effort to garner federal funding for a new hockey arena in Quebec City. This in turn would help attract a hockey franchise to the former home of Les Nordiques.

Not to be outdone, last week the provincial opposition Parti Quebecois threw down the gloves and wailed on the Montreal Canadiens.  They accused them of being  a tool of federalist propoganda.

Wha?

Wait, there’s more. Did you know the hockey team was plotting against Quebec separatism?

So it would appear. That’s what PQ member Pierre Curzi says.

PQ Hab hater Curzi offside?

Seems the PQ are not too happy with hockey’s storied-Habs because they don’t have enough French-speaking players.

Geez, I’ll bet Don Cherry’s happy. Means fewer players wearing visors.

And it’s a good thing they don’t have those maudits Expos to kick around anymore.

If the team crowns Brian Gionta as their new captain, which is widely expected to happen, the PQ’ll be apoplectic. Not only doesn’t he speak Franch, he’s not even Canadian. Imagine, an American captaining les Canadiens!

Frenchie wanna-be Gionta. See the visor?

I can’t remember such silliness since corporations left the province in droves in the late 70s for Toronto after the election of the separatist PQ government.

I guess the upside is that if the Habs leave Quebec at least Toronto would have a decent hockey team.

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Filed under Habs, Parti Quebecois

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

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Willie And Frankie #5

These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls in the wake of the summer recess. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.

Frankie: Heya Willie how’s it going?

Willie: Fine Frankie. How about you?

Frankie: Well it’s that time of year. The days are getting shorter, the leaves are starting to turn and there’s a nip in the air.

Willie: The Japanese Prime Minister’s in town, Frank.

Frankie: No, dummy and that’s politically incorrect.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: No it’s getting cool but you can bet…

Willie: …things are gonna heat up around here?

Frankie: Yep, the bus rides and BBQ’s are done with and it’s once again time…

Willie …for the theatre of the absurd?

Frankie: Boy you have a way with words, Willie. Yeah, Question Period.

Willie: Do you know why they call it Question Period?

Frankie: Goes nobody gives any answers?

Willie: Got it in one, Frankie, got it in one.

Frankie: And we’ll get to see…

Willie: …the pitbull and the trained seal?

Frankie: Uh, yeah, Government House leader John Baird and Liberal House leader…

Willie: That premier guy’s brother?

Frankie: Yeah, that McGuinty fella. It’ll be interesting to see them go toe-to-toe.

Willie: Ewww, the dance of scheming politicians.I hate when that happens. What will the big issues be Frank?

Frankie: Well the government’s been…

Willie: …skating on thin ice?

Frankie: Yeah, over that Quebec hockey arena funding business.

Willie: Clear the track here comes funding for a hockey shack!

Frankie: And of course the parties have been jawing all summer over the bill that would do in the long-gun registry.

Willie: If you ask me the government’s taking a shot in the dark.

Frankie: Oh really? If you ask me it’s the NDP who’ve gone off half-cocked.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: Well if the last session was any indication it should be pretty interesting around here over the next little while.

Willie: Do you think there’ll be a fall election, Frank.

Frankie: Are you kidding. The Conservatives and Liberals are so tight in the polls, neither wants to go to the people any time soon. No, we’re stuck with this minority government for some time to come.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.

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Filed under conservatives, Liberals, Parliament