Your roving Slings And Arrows investigative reporter nonamedufus has learned that Terry Jones, who threatened recently to burn the Koran, inflaming – so to speak – an international uproar, has set his sights on a new target.
The former nincompoop nobody, in an attempt at a full half-hour of fame, exclusively told nonamedufus of his plans. “Christians are being persecuted by them. They’re attempting to influence Americans and gain acceptance as an extremist force in this country”, said Pastor Jones. “My congregation – those that are left after that little flame fiasco – and I are dead set against letting them overrun us, taking over our society and leading us into damnation.”
When asked why he was continuing to persecute Muslims, Jones replied, “Muslims? Are you nuts, man? I’m talking about something much worse: those screaming tween twit fans of that infidel Justin Bieber!”
Satan’s Singing Spawn?
Jones says he plans to burn Bieber records. “I haven’t heard them but I know Bieber is of the devil. We’re going to put a torch to that little Canuck crooner’s catalogue. It’s time to usher in a new order.”
Jones said if need be he’d call on other members of his former comedy troupe to assist him. “Of course Chapman’s dead, but Idle, Cleese and Palin aren’t up to anything else right now. I’m sure my fellow Pythoners will pitch in.” And he aded, “People think this Dove congregation’s dead. No it’s not. It’s just sleeping.”
No one expects the Bieber inquisition.
Unlike the reaction to his plan to burn the Koran, Christians and Muslims alike rejoiced around the world.
This post appeared originally at The Parody Files.