Willie And Frankie #6

These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls long after MPs and Senators have retreated from the Parliament buildings for the day. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.

Frankie: Heya Willie how’s it going?

Willie: Fine Frankie. How about you?

Frankie: Oh, I don’t know. Did you ever take…

Willie: …the Usher’s Black Rod?

Frankie: Yeah! And ram it so far up your inner ear canal until your eyes crossed?

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: Yeah it’s kinda like what the Conservatives did to the Liberals this week.

Willie: Waddaya mean, Frankie?

Frankie: Well, no sooner did Harper’s boys lose that United Nations vote and with it a seat on the Security Council when they blamed Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff.

Willie: So you’re saying the government gave it to Canadians in the ear?

Frankie: Yeah, or…

Willie: Some other orifice?

Frankie: You got it in one Willie.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: And the other day Bruce…

Willie: …who works on days?

Frankie: Yeah. He told me the Prime Minister accidentally got locked in his private bathroom and all you could hear from the third floor to the basement was him yelling “Damn, damn, damn you Ignateiff”.

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: Yeah and the other day his limo got a flat on Sussex Drive on it’s way to the Parliament Buildings and passers-by heard him yelling “Damn that Ignatieff. It’s all his fault.”

Willie: Yeah and I heard that Pierre “Skippy” Poilievre blamed Michael Ignatieff for his run in with the RCMP security team last week.

Frankie: When he he opened the security gate and didn’t wait for them to search his car.

Willie: Yeah, he said the devil Michael Ignatieff made him do it.

Frankie: It’s sad isn’t it. The Conservatives would have Canadians believe that every time something goes wrong around here it’s Michael Ignatieff’s fault.

Willie: Yeah, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: But good old Bob Rae got a good one in when he said on Facebook “Maybe going for that chocolate glazed and the double double rather than speaking at the UN wasn’t such a great idea.”

Willie: Oh, yeah, I remember that. Last year Stephen Harper decided to attend a photo op at Tim Hortons rather than the UN General Assembly. I guess it came round to bite him in his breakfast sandwich.

Frankie: Yeah, too bad he didn’t know his chocolate glazed was frozen not fresh.

Willie: Wait, are you telling me Tim Horton’s doesn’t make fresh doughnuts anymore?

Frankie and Willie: DAMN YOU MICHAEL IGNATIEFF!!!

Willie: Ewww, I hate when that happens.

With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.

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Filed under Harper, Ignatieff, Parliament

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