Ministers Promise New Emission Standards

Declaration Full Of It

by nonamedufus

ST. JOHN’S, NEWFOUNDLAND (S&A) – Hard on the heels of a Health Canada advisory issued Tuesday, which Slings and Arrows reported warned of the dangers of municipal, provincial and federal BS emissions, the Government of Canada has announced it’s commitment to implement new standards for political emissions and hot air quality.

Federal Environment Minister Jim Prentice says the standards will be implemented in 2013 and include public reporting, modelling and monitoring mechanisms to keep Canadians informed about the quality of air in their legislatures.

“This is very important to Canadians because it’s very much a health issue,” said Prentice, after wiping up after a meeting with his provincial and territorial counterparts. “Even in our meeting the air was blue, the discussions exaggerated and overblown,” said the federal environment minister. “However, kudos to my counterparts for realizing that such emissions can’t go on unchecked without seriously impairing Canadians sensibilities.”

Prentice unveils political emission standards – no shit!

The conference, titled “Verbal Diarrhea – Changing Political Attitudes From  Lax to Ex-Lax” was a catered affair. But Ministers kept costs down by ordering Chinese take-out. Their menu included such items as Hu Flung Dung and Sweet and Sour Bull.

Prentice added that the new standards would also help Canada negotiate cross-border pollution with the U.S.

“With the advent of the Tea Party, political emissions from the States have increasingly been full of it,” said the Minister. “Sarah Palin, for example, is among the worst offenders and who, having visited Canada on several occasions has severely polluted our air.”

Cross-border polluter. We pale in comparison.

He concluded, “We need to get our shit together here in this country so we can influence our neighbour to the south, known to be one of the world’s worst BS emitters.”


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