The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

With this collection of editorial cartoons Slings and Arrows is calling it a day. nonamedufus plans on limiting his creative output to one blog and you can track him down here.

 

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Remember

11th hour, 11th day, 11th month

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Headlines And Song Titles

So I was perusing the headlines on the interwebs yesterday looking for an idea for today’s piece of political parody and I started to think of what I came across in terms of song titles. It kind of made the exercise more fun than actually reading the article. Here’s a few examples of what I mean…

 

Pro-Israeli Stand Cost Canada UN Seat, Harper Says

Ain’t That A Shame

 

Outgoing Veterans Ombudsman Says He’ll Sue Government

Runaround Sue

 

Despite Quitting, Prentice On Short List Of Potential Successors To PM

King Of The Road

C IBC-ing You

 

Ottawa Talks Of Extending Afghan Mission

War…Huh…What Is It Good For?

 

Go For Skilled Immigrants

You Better Come Home Speedy Gonzales

 

Ottawa Mayor replaced After One Term

Hats Off To Larry

You Can Leave Your Hat On

 

Katie Perry Turns Down Playboy Nude Spread

She Wore An Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

 

Is Your Laptop Cooking Your Testicles?

Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire

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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

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Willie And Frankie #7

These are the continuing adventures of Willie and Frankie; two security guards on Parliament Hill, walking the deserted and darkened halls long after MPs and Senators have retreated from the Parliament buildings for the day. Um, “adventures” might be too strong a word.

Frankie: Heya Willie how’s it going?

Willie: Fine Frankie. How about you?

Frankie: Oh I don’t know. Did you ever take…

Willie: A questionable renovating contractor’s T-square?

Frankie: Yeah, and tried to balance it on your head but it falls off your head and cuts your big toe off?

Willie: Eeew, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: Yeah I think there’s something nasty afoot when it comes to these Parliament Building renovations.

Willie: Aside from your big toe?

Frankie: Yeah I think something stinks around here, Willie.

Willie: Are talking about illegal contracting practices?

Frankie: No, now I’m talking about my big toe. I think gangrene’s setting in and oh does it smell.

Willie: Eeew, I hate when that happens.

Frankie: Speaking of stinky political practices, I see the government made a decision on that big potash transfer business.

Willie: Yeah, now what’s that all about, Frankie?

Frankie: Well an Australian mining company called BHP Billiton undertook a hostile takeover.

Willie: Speaking of hostile that’s exactly how Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall appears these days.

Frankie: With good reason. He wanted the takeover turned down. He says the province stands to lose billions of dollars in lost revenue. He’s in a real set-to with Ottawa over this.

Willie: Geez, Frankie, sounds like there’s more fertilizer coming from the politicians than under the ground in Saskatchewan.

Frankie: Good one, Willie.

Willie: I just have one question Frankie.

Frankie: What’s that Willie?

Willie: Well, first, I thought pot was illegal in Canada and, second, wouldn’t you have to smoke a lot of it to come up with enough pot ashes to make the deal worthwhile?

Frankie: Eeew, I’d hate if that happened.

With apologies to Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest from Saturday Night Live 1985.

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Parliament In Need Of Extreme Makeover

Canadians learned last week that Ottawa’s historic Parliament buildings require an extreme makeover costing somewhere in the area of $5 billion and expected to take over 15 years to complete. Couple this with some alleged shady dealings between the government and Hill renovation contractors it’s obvious Prime Minister Harper is in need of a renovation expert.

The solution lies with HGTV. Sure, think about it. They have all the experts in one place. Overseeing the parliamentary precinct project would be -who else – Mike Holmes. This guy’s undertaken new homes in flood-ravaged New Orleans, an energy-efficient home from the ground up and houses on First Nations reserves. If you want to do it right, call Mike.

Given the shenanigans that have resulted in shoddy renovations to date Mike will want to bring in that guy from Disaster DIY. He in turn might want to get MPs from all parties engaged. After all there’s nothing like a little Sweat Equity.

Now, understandably, the House of Commons needs to find a new place to hold their debates while renovations are undertaken to the Centre Block. Who better to call than House Hunters. They find houses for people every single week – every day in re-runs. I’m sure they can find a House of Commons.

The Senate will have to move too. I think we should call those Brits from Relocation, Relocation, Relocation. Phil and that frumpy woman. You know who I mean. The one that dresses like a cow. Kirstie Allsopp, yeah that’s her.

Helping Parliamentarians moo-ve

To ensure taxpayers get their money’s worth the government should bring in the folks from Bang For Your Buck.

To undertake these renovations economically the people at Hidden Potential might be useful.

Of course Canadians will have to buy into this approach so that guy who sits on the roof in Buy Me might be hired to mount a communications campaign.

But he better keep it straightforward and simple. After all, Canadians aren’t exactly Property Virgins.

Make it right, Mike.

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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

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